Greetings from your friendly neighborhood terrorist



Greetings from your friendly neighborhood terrorist

Exclusive: Patrice Lewis on absurdity of DHS drill making homeschoolers the attackers

author-imageby Patrice Lewis Email | Archive

Patrice Lewis is a freelance writer whose latest book is “The Simplicity Primer: 365 Ideas for Making Life more Livable.” She is co-founder (with her husband) of a home woodcraft business. The Lewises live on 20 acres in north Idaho with their two homeschooled children, assorted livestock, and a shop that overflows into the house with depressing regularity. Visit her blog at ↓Less ↑


I saw an article this week that I first thought was a joke … until I realized it was serious.

The article linked to an InfoWars headline entitled “Homeland Security Funded Exercise Portrayed Homeschoolers as Terrorists.” Normally I don’t read InfoWars because it’s a bit too conspiracy-laden for my taste, but once in a while they break amazing stories. As a homeschooling mom, this one made my jaw drop.

“In 2004,” notes the article, “cops in Muskegon, Mich., conducted a ‘mock attack’ on a school bus as part of a terrorism response exercise. The terrorists portrayed in the exercise were not fanatical Muslims or even phantom right-wing extremists – they were said to be fanatical homeschoolers. … According to the Muskegon Chronicle, the exercise was a simulated ‘attack by a fictitious radical group called Wackos Against Schools and Education who believe everyone should be homeschooled,’ Homeschool World reported in September 2004. The simulated attack was funded by the Department of Homeland Security.”

Um, what? Fanatical homeschoolers? What next, drills against radical Chess Club members? Extremist patrons of the New York Philharmonic?

Look, I’m the first one to admit that I’m rather zealous about the subject of homeschooling. I firmly believe it’s the best educational option available today, followed closely by private schools. I genuinely wish everyone could homeschool or privately school, and thus shut down the unconstitutional Department of Education whose refusal to allow educational competition is one of the biggest reasons for America’s academic decline.

But homeschoolers attacking a school bus? C’mon. That’s about as believable as zealous Chess Club members kidnapping cheerleaders off the football field in order to force them to master the Ruy Lopez Steinitz Defense. Or as believable as obsessive patrons of the New York Philharmonic kidnapping some Garth Brooks fans and forcing them to attend a performance of Beethoven’s Sixth Symphony.

In other words, what a STUPID drill. Pointless. Absurd. Unrealistic. Above all, frightening.

This exercise was conducted in 2004; I don’t know why it was mentioned again this week, except to illustrate a growing trend to conduct many DHS terrorist drills and exercises to acclimate Americans to martial law. (Boston home invasions, anyone? Pregnant women gun silhouettes?)

I have no problem with running drills for terrorism. It is, indeed, quite conceivable that a school bus could be attacked, hence the need for emergency personnel to understand logistics and techniques. As the Sandy Hook shootings tragically demonstrated, soft unarmed targets such as schools and school buses are at risk from deranged groups or individuals. And I clearly remember the Chowchilla kidnappings from 1976, so I understand the necessity of training for such a scenario.

But as hundreds of offended parents protested in the aftermath of this drill, it was the choice of mock terrorists that was insulting. How many homeschooling parents have knocked over school buses and shot children? Zero. “It has not been homeschooled children who have walked in public schools shooting everyone and anyone,” noted Homeschool World Magazine, “but rather public school children.”

It’s no secret that most (not all, but most) homeschoolers are conservative. Homeschooling parents have values we want to pass on to our children, values we don’t want watered down with revisionist history or moral relativism. We homeschoolers love our children so much that we’re willing to sacrifice our time, our resources and often a second income to keep them from being indoctrinated with the progressive propaganda rampant in government schools. And for that, we’re ridiculed, mocked and called everything from child abusers to (apparently) potential terrorists.

Gee, who else should we classify as terrorists? Wheelchair-bound grannies in airports? Kindergartners who nibble their Pop-Tarts into guns? Injured vets with colostomy bags?

Homeschooling has been steadily increasing over the last two decades (we only have to look at the quality of public education to understand why), and I acknowledge that the government reaction to this trend has ranged from barely tolerant to outright hostility; but the very notion that “fanatical” homeschoolers would murder children on a school bus is vile to the point of evil.

The significance of this drill isn’t lost on many people. You see, it’s part of a larger DHS plan to treat anyone and everyone on the right as a potential terrorist.

Let’s face it, it’s getting to the point where government officials are attempting to classify anyone who disagrees with them, no matter how law-abiding and innocent, as potential terrorists. Worse, they’re preparing to fight that enemy, even when the “enemy” has done nothing wrong. It is frighteningly reminiscent of the USSR’s psychological warfare tactics in which anyone who disagreed with the Communist government was, by definition, insane and could be locked up in a psych ward. Can no one see these parallels?

The attitude toward conservatives, libertarians and constitutionalists has turned vicious in the last few years. I don’t see Homeland Security proposing drills with militant vegans attacking a McDonald’s to force everyone to eat tofu, yet DHS is consistently profiling anyone who hails from the right as an unparalleled threat. As one commenter noted, “Those homeschoolers are dangerous people. They are forcing their children to learn to read, do simple math, and think for themselves. All of that makes their children potential terrorists.”

I suppose I must accept the fact that the America of today is no longer the America that exemplified the concept of liberty. In this new Amerika, the non-brainwashed are a threat to the socialist paradigm. The elites need subjects who will not question either their motives or their morality. The Patricians want drones who will acquiesce to IRS profiling, Obamacare and government stockpiling of ammo. They want Stepford citizens who shrug their shoulders and ask “what difference does it make?” with regards to Benghazi, Fast and Furious and wholesale tapped phone lines.

No wonder homeschoolers are a threat.

So as a homeschooling mom and a constitutional conservative, I offer greetings from your friendly neighborhood terrorist. We homeschoolers are all over the place, frightening our politicians by winning spelling bees and whupping test scores. My rebel kids are doing things like putting on writer’s workshops and music recitals, writing 90,000 word novels in a month and watching calves being born.

Care to join us? Or are you too busy watching your children learn to put condoms on bananas?

Viva la revolution.


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